I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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