woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
