I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
