You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
