ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
