Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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