You're so nebulous sometimes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
