Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
