I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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