Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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