Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
