I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
