i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
