Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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