just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
did i just pee glitter
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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