If i come over, it means nothing
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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