Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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