well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
