That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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