When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
