Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
