So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
