Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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