I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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