Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
