i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
