Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
