That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
