I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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