I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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