Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dick very happy bro
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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