she was so not down for the gang bang
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
