Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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