My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
