Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
