Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
