Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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