Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
