omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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