Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
