i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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