I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
