please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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