2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Actions speak louder than pants.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
