soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
