we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
