I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
