If that was your dad, he is hot
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
