I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Holy shit dude........stairs
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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