That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
